I'm a wreck...

I am really feeling the weight of going back to work today. I realized that I need to send a box of diapers and a can of formula to Dede's house because she will be keeping you. She will likely need more diapers and formula at her house than we will need at our house. This fact really upsets me. Am I happy that she will be taking care of you? ABSOLUTELY, Dede is an extension of me. I trust her with my life... with you. Am I sad that I'm not the one that will see your milestones first, I'm not the one that will be teaching you every little thing along the way, I'm not the one that will comfort you, love on you and see your smiles first hand all day? You have no idea. I can't seem to stop crying tonight. I've spent the last 8 weeks in denial about what has to happen on Monday. On Monday, I'll give you a bottle around 6:30. By 7:00, you'll be full and very happy. I'll play with you until the bitter end at 7:50. Sunday night, I'll shower, pack your bag, hold you till I can't, and pray for comfort and peace. I want to be as ready as possible when I wake up Monday morning so that I don't have to waste any time in the shower or drying my hair. I'll be a hot mess. I'll probably freak you out a little. I hope you understand that I'm working to provide the life you deserve. You deserve opportunities to succeed, go to college, land a great job and a better wife, to have no limitations on what you desire, to have what I had growing up. Hudson, I love you. I don't know that I'll ever get over having to leave you in the mornings.